If you've read Mack's post about the White Lodge Walk you'll know there woz summink coming off this week. Well last night woz it; some of us, most of us, all of us 'cept Monty and Lucy that is, went for PAT testing.

If you ain't 'eard of PAT before it stands for Pets As Therapy an' wot it means is us 'ounds goin' to places were 'umans ain't too good an' lettin' 'em 'ave a stroke and stuff; sort of 'ounds 'elpin' 'umans.

You might be wonderin' why Monty and Lucy weren't doin' it. Simply 'coz they didn't want to. It's like the Meets and Greets; me, Mack an' Rosie 'ave competitions to see 'oo can get the most puntas, Kai does 'is stuff wiv the ladies and Jack sorts out the 'uman puppies. Monty an' Lucy will 'elp 'coz they want to 'elp uvva 'ounds, but they ain't into it like the rest of us. An' neiver of 'em are exactly full o' the joys o' spring goin' to new places, so they decided it was best all round if they opted out.

Anyway, like Mack said, we tapped up Sol on Sunday for a few tips like, but last night woz the real deal.

We went over Salcey for the usual ball o' chalk then went to Cookno ('umans spell it Cogenhoe but say it Cookno) village 'all to meet the lady wot woz goin' to test us.

Kai woz first up - stinking 'ee was too 'aving smuvvered 'imslef in FPone in the woods; dad weren't best please I can tell ya. Anyway, he comes back an' tells us that the lady, called Pat (spooky or wot?), woz dead nice and wot 'appened woz pretty much like Sol 'ad said.

I 'ave to agree wiv Kai 'ere, Pat woz a very nice lady and, in my 'umble opinion, one wiv exceptionally good taste in 'ounds. First fing she said when I walked in the door woz "Ohh, 'ee's an 'andsom boy." - 'oo am I to disagree?

Then we does the biz. Wot it involved woz:

• Pat making like she's goin' to 'and over a treat 'cept she don't for a bit, she just 'olds it in 'er 'and an' you ain't supposed to go for it until she gives it to yer properly like. Well that's just manners ain' it? An' I fink it's fair to say that all The Beastly Beasts 'ave manners, dad'd 'ave our guts for garters if not.


• Then Pat made a fuss of me; grabbin' me ears, tail, an' feet an' strokin' me, gently but firmly like, to see if was 'appy being touched. Me, I 'ate it - not! As do the rest of us.


• Then I 'ad to take dad for a walk round the 'all. Probably should 'ave said before, but we woz there while a dog club woz too; bigun an' all. So there's lots of strange dogs an' 'umans around an' you 'ave to see 'ow your 'uman gets on wiv that. Dad did OK.


• Then Pat took me a called me to 'er. You know me, call an' I'm by yer side.


• Then she dropped a tin lid on the floor. 'Pparently some dogs try to do a runner when that 'appens. Good job they don't live in Beast Barracks, there's always bangin' and clatterin' at meal times - it's 'ow we know grub's up. Anyway I looked at it an' then at Pat 'an she larfed.

Now get this. It ain't often you get one over on Kai; 'ee's Mr. Chilled an' takes everyfink in 'is stride ('cept being washed that is) an' everyone finks 'ee's good lookin' and stuff. But Pat said that while Kai was OK, I was a natural PAT dog 'coz of the way I like goin' up to 'umans. I woz well chuffed.

Then it was Jack's turn and 'ee did it all OK too. As always 'ee fought it woz a right larf an' really enjoyed 'imself.

Mack was up next. I wondered wot Pat would 'ave to say about 'im wot wiv 'im bein' the uvver 'alf of the Bookend Boys like. Good 'ol boy; anuvver one wot woz rated.

Last up was Rosie. She woz a bit leary about it wot wiv all the other dogs around. But you know wot? She came back saying she'd enjoyed it too. She made Pat larf at the tin lid fing an' all 'coz she stood there an' wagged 'er tail at it.

Afterwards Pat 'ad a bit of rattle wiv dad, but so we knew wot the score woz we sent Monty out the van to stand wiv 'em.

Pat said we woz five dead good 'ounds, which woz really nice of 'er. She then said stuff which Monty didn't really get and didn't make much sense to us eivver, summink about dad 'avin' a CRB an' did that matta? Apparently not, wot evva one of them is. Then they 'ad a chat about 'oo an' where we might visit. She reckoned dad an' us might be OK for a place wot sounds like it ain't everyone's cup o' tea, but that we should all 'ave a fink.

And then, almost the last fing she says woz, "If ever I get a proper dog it will probably be a grey'ound". 'Course all dogs - well, most dogs - are proper dogs; Pat has Collies wot is proper dogs, but it's nice to know there's annuva 'uman out there wot cares about us grey'ounds.

Anyway, Pat's PAT testing don't necessarily mean we're in. We now 'ave to wait to see if PAT HQ says we are or not, an' that could take a few weeks. Cross yer paws for us an' watch this space.